worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
