no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I wish there were birth control emojis
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
