dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you didnt know i had herpes?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I feel like a drive thru vagina
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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