I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
