someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize
