I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
it glows. i had to have it.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You made out with two different species that night
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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