It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
