The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
