hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
