do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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