We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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