I wish I could teleport
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Do vagina's smell?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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