I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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