Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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