i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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