I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
