Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
