Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
