my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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