just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
