dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He uses pillows to masturbate.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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