Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I have feelings that need drinking.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
