I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
