70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
