GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
