I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
