I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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