my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I wish i was in the wii world.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
