i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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