Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
