It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
