I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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