Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
