after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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