The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
