bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
