My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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