He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
