I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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