I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
