okay pat passed out under dana's car
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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