this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
