There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
