a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Drake has all the answers
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
