there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize