babies were throwing up all over the place
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
