You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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