Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
