Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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