Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize