Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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