my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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