im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
