party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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