i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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