i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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