went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
