my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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