Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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