NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
