Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
