thus making me awesome and them whores
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I am midnight drunk by noon
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
