Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
