Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
