Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
