She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
