We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
