I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
What drink are we having for lunch?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
