From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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