there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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