last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
