He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
