is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
