Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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