He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I would fuck him just for his dog
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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