just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
