i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
