can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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