He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
