Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
