I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
