why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
