Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Welp...herpes.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
