no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
