im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
