well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
