If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
