saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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