Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
