hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
