One girl and one boy is just not enough.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize