well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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