They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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