A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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