sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
