shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize