First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
